Briar Report’s Predictions for 2022

As has been our custom, we have gotten together and made some predictions for the upcoming year. Before doing so I’ve reviewed out last round of predictions and made a couple of discoveries.

The first is our track record is shambolic. We try to go a little “outside the box” on our predictions hoping that if we got some right we might be seen as prophetic. That plan seems to have backfired and we are just seen as pathetic.

The second is these predictions do not age well. When I look back I don’t even know what we were talking about. It’s not like we are predicting that Elvis actually dies or something. A prediction people would easily understand two years later. I suppose we need to work on that, but it’s too late now. The predictions are in and we’re going with them.

Predictions for 2022

  1. The Omega strain of the plague virus will be the worst variant yet. Everyone will have to surrender all their liberties over to Mother Brain to have any chance of survival. The only people not affected are old guys who smoke DeLuxe Navy Rolls.
  2. The Artful Codger will make an appearance for one day which will only make us miss him even more. We also find out he has been operating an illegal Gypsy Cab business.
  3. The Blue Collar Pipe Smoker will get a job as an administrator and immediately starts to overwhelm his channel with useless Zoom Meetings.
  4. The White Collar Pipe Smoker starts a new YouTube channel that opens to mixed reviews.
  5. It will be learned that Boca To Boynton, Charlie, has been telling fish stories. In fact he doesn’t actually live near the canal but has been squatting at the home of Carrot Top.
  6. Willie changes the opening music on The Nashville Mafia from “Love Theme from The Godfather” to Mozart’s Eine Kleine Nachtmusik in G Major (K525). John brains him with a Houston Oilers football helmet.
  7. The Briar Bothy is raided by several Federal law enforcement agencies in the middle of the night. They confiscate the wind chimes but fail to find the engraving plates he has been using to counterfeit one hundred dollar bills. There are no hard feelings when Mark offers to by the officials lunch.
  8. Smoking Uncle Frank takes time off from making videos when he takes a job in Neuchâtel, Switzerland to lecture on the Daniels’ co-axial escapement.
  9. Only two people will get that last prediction.
  10. The Briar Report Blob will still be published everyday despite having only four readers. Half of those will stop reading after Phil makes an off-color Pee Wee Herman reference.

Good Feeling

Well, there you have it. I have a good feeling that many of these will turn out to be true and our reputation as the premier supernatural psychic will be established.

Only time will tell.