Bill Stocks Up On Tractor Cigars

This past week I’ve begun cutting my lawn. The key to having a good lawn is getting off to a good start and picking the right cigar.

I have to mow my own lawn. Don’t have some fancy landscaping company come in and do it for me. Like some people I won’t mention. It’s been raining most days so it was hard to decide when to begin because my choices were limited. Once you mow your lawn for the first time each year, you’re locked in. It then begins to grow like crazy. but if you put it off too long you’re screwed. Everything gets all clogged up and it’s a disaster.

Way back when, I used to enjoy taking care of the yard. Those days are over, now it’s a chore. I look forward to it by treating myself when I’m on the tractor with a cigar.

I’ve tried to smoke a pipe while mowing the lawn, but it just doesn’t work out for me. Too many re-lights. The hard stem in my mouth isn’t comfortable as I bounce around on a machine with no suspension. No, a cigar is a much better choice in this instance.

Like I said, when I used to like cutting the grass I’d smoke any old cheap cigar. Now I use the trick of having a much better cigar as a way to make me want to hop on the tractor.

Picking Out A Good Tractor Cigar

Still wouldn’t want to have a really good cigar since a lot of the enjoyment is lost in this situation. You want a good, but not too good of a cigar. You also want to pick something that matches how long it takes you to mow the lawn. In my case that’s about an hour.

One other thing to keep in mind is that you are going to cut your grass about 24 to 26 times in the season. So if you picked a $10 cigar that’s going to cost you about $250 just for tractor cigars. Too much!

I want to keep it below $100 for the year. That’s not as hard as you might think. You aren’t going to care how pretty they look or if there is a minor flaw in it, so why not go for the factory seconds? Nowadays they call them “overruns” but it’s the same thing. At least I think it is.

They come in bundles of 18 (used to be 20) and there’s nothing wrong with them. You can get a bundle for less than $50. If you want to go the real cheap-o route, there are some that cost half of that. But the idea here is for the cigar to be nice enough that you look forward to mowing the lawn.

And The Winner Is

This year I got a bundle of Gran Habanos. The Gran Robusto size. Perfect size and a medium-full stick. That’s the other thing, don’t get a mild cigar in this instance. There’s too much going on. The noise, the shaking around, the smell of the grass, it’s all too much. You need something with a little punch to cut through all that background.

I only got one bundle. The thinking is that cutting your grass later in the summer is much different than in the spring. Hotter, drier, etc., a much different experience. Best to wait until the summer is well underway in choosing the second half cigar.

So far the Gran Habanos have been very nice. Perfect tractor cigar. Don’t take that to mean I’m making fun of them, I’m not. You don’t have to worry, if I wanted to make fun of them, I wouldn’t hold back, that’s for sure.


One final thing, and it’s about pipes. During the last meeting the big topic was the Aristocob corncob contest [ed. Cobfoolery]. I was shocked at some of those pipes that people made. It was the first time I saw this contest and was highly impressed. These guys took normal corn cob pipes and modified them into amazing works of art.

Bodacious, Greatest Cow Ever

One of them had a claw and egg shape to it. I can’t believe it was made out of corncobs. Another was in the shape of a tornado – amazing! There was one that was made out of a bull’s horn. He should have used one of those Texas Longhorns. Now that would be a pipe! Can you imagine if they would have kept the horns from Bodacious and made pipes out of them? Those would be the greatest pipes in the world.

I wonder if they saved Bodacious’ horns or not. He was without a doubt the greatest cow that ever lived.

Well that’s about it for this week. Be sure to pick yourself up a bundle of tractor cigars, you will thank me for it later.


Bill is the acting Briar Report Chief of Staff,

he is also the Managing Editor of

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