Bill Goes Owl Hunting

Before I get started I’d like to say that when we all meet on Saturdays for the Staff Meetings there should be assigned parking. There should be some system in place either based on who has to write an article every week or on age. Either way there is no good reason why I don’t have a reserved spot.

I have been forced twice in a row to park up against a snow bank. It’s only a matter of time before I slip and break a hip or something. I’ve mentioned in this column before about possible legal action regarding other matters, but if something does happen me I’ll have no choice other than letting the courts decide. Probably be on workman’s comp. because I was on my way to a work related meeting. [ed. Note. Sitting around smoking pipes and cigars and having adult drinks my not be considered work to most people]

Now that I have that off my chest lets talk about the availability of some tobaccos. At the end of last year I wrote about White Owl coming out with a new line of pipe tobacco cigars called Night Owl. They are little cigars made out of pipe tobacco. I asked the tight wads that run this group if I could get some to try, and since I would write about it they should pay. They gave me $20 out of petty cash and told me to get what ever I wanted. There were four kinds of that cigar, I think, so getting a couple of each was perfect.

I can’t find them anywhere! Every time I go by a Convenience store I stop in and see if they have any. Not once did they even hear about them. They were supposed to come out on the 3rd of January. What a rip-off. They have every other imaginable kind of tobacco, which quite frankly no respectable person would buy in the first place, but they don’t have Night Owls. Not only that, but because I was driving around so much looking for them I had to use the twenty bucks to put gas in my car. I was rudely laughed at when I asked for another dub.

Well guess what White Owl people? Forget about it, I’m not spending my own money now after all that.

One of the places I stopped while searching for those cigars was at the Indians. They carry more tobacco than you can shake a stick at. They even make their own cigarettes in the parking lot behind the store. It has something to do with taxes. Anyway, they have a cigar store that I go in all the time but they also have a counter that sells not only cigarettes but over the counter cigars, pipe tobaccos, zippo fluid, beef jerky – all he stuff most people need.

They have always had all the Captain Black blends, not only in pouches but in tubs as well. Half & Half, Prince Albert in a can, all he major stuff. Now it’s all gone. There were only two kinds of pipe tobacco to choose from. What a shame.

I don’t know if they didn’t sell very much of it and it takes up too much shelf space or they just don’t want to sell it anymore, either way it sucks. I asked the girl behind the counter about it but her pants were on so tight I think it was squeezing her brains. She just looked at me and asked if I wanted anything and said “what you see is all we have”. I was ticked off to say the least. I got my beef jerky and got the hell out of there.

I’ve got a bad feeling about those new Night Owls. How do you come out with a new product and it’s almost impossible for you to find, even when it’s your mission to find some? Convenience stores, listen up. You don’t need 84 different kinds of chewing tobacco, that’s just ridiculous. Get rid of two or three and make room for something else. I also hate to say it but the day is coming when it will all be gone. When that happens lets hope the Indians will have room in their parking lot to make cigars and pipe tobacco.


Bill is the acting Briar Report Chief of Staff.

he is also the Managing Editor of

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