Bill Discusses Bootlegging Tobacco and a Flat Capped Piper

Lately I’ve been reading a lot about tobacco going away. Hopefully it won’t happen but if the government gets their way there is no telling what will happen.

Every time they do something, they want you to believe that they are only going to do this one little thing, then leave you alone. Liars. Always telling lies.

They want to raise the age to buy tobacco to 21 “to protect the children”. Now that it is happening in a lot of States, the Federal government wants in on the action. They just love to tell people how they should be living their lives. They [expletive deleted] -up everything they ever touch. But that doesn’t matter, keep making more rules, keep squeezing people until they can’t take it anymore. 

The Country is Ruined

Personally I don’t care all that much at this point. The country is ruined. For the last 50 years all I’ve ever heard is “this is the most important election in our lifetime”. “If we don’t do something right now this country will be lost”. How many times can you say that? I honestly believe we are past the point of no return. The reason I don’t care all that much is because my life is almost over. I’m getting down near the end and there isn’t much left they can do to me. 

I feel sorry for the young man with his life ahead of him, who wants to have a family someday. He has to deal with a government that is obsessed with what a cigar box should look like or the “horrors” of a man smoking a pipe, but who could care less that they ran the National Debt over a cliff. Or that they spent all the Social Security money on pointless crap. 

Nice going [expletive deleted], you wrecked the greatest country the world has ever known. 

So before I croak, I’m wondering if there is some way to help out all the people who this will effect much more than me. 

What would happen if the sale of tobacco is banned over the internet? I suppose that people would be forced to go to their local cigar shop. Not a bad thing, but some states put huge taxes on tobacco products. That will only get worse too. 


I was thinking about that taxi company Yewber [he means Uber – I’m going to let it stand]. I heard they have a thing now that if you want dinner from a restaurant that doesn’t have delivery, all you have to do is call these guys and they will pick it up for you. Drop it right off on your doorstep. Not a bad idea. 

That made me think, what if I did the same thing for pipe tobacco and cigars. Probably shouldn’t use the word “bootlegger”, but you know what I mean. 

Get myself a nice dark Ford sedan with a big flathead V-8 in it. Just in case I have to outrun the Coppers. Fill it up with smokes and barnstorm around the country. Just like the Yewber driver, delivering take-out when people call. 

It Will Never Work

Of course there are some minor flaws in my plan that have to be worked out. I probably can’t legally “sell” tobacco in the different states. Although it could be a way around the “face to face” restriction in the law. I would be the salesman for a tobacco retailer and could take their order, so to speak.
The other flaw was how do I pay for gas and motels? It was pointed out to me I would be better off just mailing packages to people. That does sound logical but it is probably breaking some interstate mail law. You can’t win when it comes to the government. 

I will admit there is still a lot of work to do with my plan. the thing is I have to start thinking ahead. The day is coming, mark my words. We need to find a supplier and a way to get it to people. Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something. 

Hate to say it but I think we are fighting a losing battle. I’m not suggesting that we surrender to these [expletive deleted] but I do think we are going to get to the point where it’s just not going to matter any longer. The point where you just defy the law and say the heck with it. 

If they want to throw me in jail for buying cigars, well, what’s the point if it’s gotten that far?
She is going to sock him right over his flat hat with a frying pan! Most people are probably wanting to know what the good blends are – I want to watch him smoke the bombs to see her reaction. You have to watch some of the videos, they are great. 

Flat Cap Piper

Flat Cap Piper & Lady Briar

On a brighter note, did you see that guy Flat Hat Piper? [Flat Cap Piper] He makes videos with his wife where he smokes his pipe then she comes in the room and tells him what it smells like. All the ones they’ve done so far have been sort of mild. There were one or two stinkers in the bunch but nothing really bad. I’m watching because you know one of these times he is going to really let her have it. Maybe some Double-X rope tobacco or something like that. Can’t wait. 

She is going to sock him right over his flat hat with a frying pan! Most people are probably wanting to know what the good blends are – I want to watch him smoke the bombs to see her reaction. You have to watch some of the videos, they are great. 

I don’t have to subscribe to them because it’s not one of the channels I have to watch (we split them up because there are so many) but I do anyway. It is recommended you do the same. They have a drawing going on right now for some tobacco and some pipes so it’s a good time to get in on that. 

Have a great week and if you come up with any good ideas to beat the Feds at their own game, let me know. In the meantime I’m going to watch some more Flat Hat videos. 


Bill is the acting Briar Report Chief of Staff,

he is also the Managing Editor of

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